


How To Get Kicked Out Of IKEA - Oneshot

by lmjposie



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 05:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17543342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmjposie/pseuds/lmjposie
Summary: Prompt: Josie and Penelope go to IKEA as a casual couple thing. They fall asleep on the IKEA bed and later a guard wakes them up to get the hell out from here. Penelope starts a fight. He calls for backup. Josie and Penelope end up running through the whole IKEA to get away from him.





	How To Get Kicked Out Of IKEA - Oneshot

Josie Saltzman and Penelope Park have been dating for about a year and a half now. They’re young and in love. They absolutely love being in each other’s company. They make small dates out of the little things like grocery shopping or trips to the laundromat. It was nothing out of the ordinary when Josie took Penelope to IKEA. They were there for one thing: to get a new lamp. 

 

A few days ago, Josie had been running away from Penelope because the other girl was chasing after her with a maniacal laugh. Her mission (which she chose to accept) was to tickle the girl until she couldn’t breathe. 

 

Josie ran through her very small apartment trying to evade the girl. She ran from room to room, jumping over her obstacles, trying to be careful in the process. She had been doing great until she made the mistake of running to the kitchen. She played herself by running behind the kitchen island. Penelope waited on the other side, ready to pounce on her no matter which way she decided to go. Josie faked going one way only to go the other. Penelope slipped up so the other girl was able to evade her. 

 

Josie ran back into the living room and tried to shake her off her trail by going behind the lounge chair to get to the other side. Her girlfriend was quick though, she quickly caught up and had managed to make it to get to the lounge chair, trapping Josie in the corner. They were at a standoff. They were in a position similar to the one in the kitchen, but this time, Penelope wouldn’t make the same mistake. Josie had two options. One: give in and let the girl assault her with tickles. Or two: make a break for it. Naturally, she chose the latter. She jumped over the chair that separated the two and tried to escape, half giggling half screaming. Unfortunately for her, in her attempt to flee, she accidentally bumped shoulders with the lamp that was adjacent to the chair. The lamp toppled back and forth before inevitably falling to the ground. The sound of shattering glass prompted the two to stop. While Josie was distracted with the sound, Penelope made her move. She lunged towards the girl, and by the time Josie could react, Penelope scooped up the girl and carried her over to the nearby couch. Josie squirmed in her arms trying to get away but her efforts were useless. Penelope straddled the other girl and was mercilessly tickling her. 

 

“Penelopeee!” Josie managed to get out during her fit of laughter. “That’s not fair!”

 

“All is fair in love and war.” Penelope justified. Poking the girl’s sides, Josie’s laugh echoed through the apartment.

 

“Babe.” Josie breathlessly voiced after being tormented with tickles for a little while longer. 

 

“Hmm?” Penelope hummed, obviously amused by the whole situation. 

 

Josie giggled even more when her girlfriend lowered her ascent and tickled her sides. “The lamp!” 

 

“It was an ugly lamp anyway.” Penelope shrugged, beginning to slow her motions. She was satisfied that she’d completed her mission.

 

“Hey! I thought it was cute.” Josie pouted.

 

“You are cute.” Penelope quipped, releasing the girl from her hold. “That multicolored 5-light lamp, is not.” 

 

“I’ve had that lamp since I was ten. It has sentimentality!” 

 

“Oh that explains it.” Penelope nodded. “The early 2000’s called. They want their low rise jeans and hippie lamps back.”

 

Josie huffed. “It’s not a hippie lamp.”

 

“Right…” Penelope deadpanned.

 

“You owe me a new lamp.” Josie lightly pushed her girlfriend.

 

“Okay.” Penelope agreed easily. “Only one of the five lights worked anyway. It was time for a change anyway.”

 

“You also owe me a kiss.” Josie added.

 

Penelope raised a brow as she lowered her head to be just above Josie’s. “Just one?” Penelope pecked her lips.

 

Josie feigned thinking about it. “Or two.” She bargained. Penelope kissed her again before pulling back slightly. “Or twenty…” Josie mumbled inches from her lips.

 

Penelope chuckled before bringing their lips together. She’ll never get over how soft Josie’s lips feel against her. Without fail, every time they kiss she swears she’s in a dream because she feels euphoric. She’s taken to another world and she never wants to leave. 

 

***

 

Back at IKEA, they’d just finished having lunch at the food court. Josie had the marinated salmon plate and the salmon fillet with lemon. She didn’t eat meat, so she was silently judging Penelope for eating platefuls of their signature meatballs. They strolled through the store arm in arm, pointing out furniture they thought was cute. They ventured their way into the bedroom section. 

 

“Jo, maybe you need a new bed.” Penelope suggested, flopping down on one of the nearest beds.

 

“My bed is completely fine, thank you very much.” Josie faked offense.

 

“Whatever you say.” Penelope sighed. “Then don’t complain about the both of us trying to fit on your twin sized bed.” Penelope got off of the bed she had laid in.

 

“Maybe I purposely got a twin so that we’d have no choice but to be as close to each other as possible.” Josie returned.

 

“Or because you’re cheap and didn’t feel like paying $100 more for a full.” Penelope laughed.

 

“That’s $100 that I don’t have.” Josie said like it was obvious.

 

“Gotta love having a frugal girlfriend.” Penelope chuckled. She plopped down onto the next bed. “Oh this one’s comfy.” 

 

Josie pushed down on the mattress with her hands. “Eh. It’s okay.”

 

“Noo,” Penelope disagreed. “You have to lay in it to get the full experience.”

 

Josie crossed her arms. “I’m not laying in the bed.” 

 

“Come here, grumpy.” Penelope patted the spot next to her. 

 

Josie rolled her eyes before she relented and rolled onto the bed. “It’s too firm.” 

 

Penelope was satisfied with her answer. “Onto the next one then.” She swung her legs over the side and hopped off the bed. Josie did the same.

 

Penelope jumped onto the next bed. “How about this one?” She asked with her face pressed into the mattress. 

 

Josie sat on the end of the bed. “Too soft.” 

 

“Okay, Goldilocks, third time’s the charm.” Penelope rolled over and dangled her legs over the side of the bed before pushing off to find the next bed to jump into. She observed other beds by pressing her hands into them. When she found one that she would think her girlfriend would like, she sprung into the bed. “This has got to be the one.” 

 

Josie was sure she wouldn’t like it. But when she felt it with her hand, it was the perfect balance of soft and firm. She was pleasantly surprised.

 

“Come on babe, jump in.” Penelope encouraged, propping herself up on her elbows. “You know you want to.” She wiggled her brows.

 

Josie playfully rolled her eyes and thought  _ fuck it _ . She decided to live a little and gave herself a running start before jumping face first with her arms wide open onto the bed. She landed with one of her arms around her laughing girlfriend. She sunk into the bed and she loved it. “This is really comfy.” She mumbled into the mattress.

 

“See? What’d I tell you.” Her girlfriend cockily returned. “I pick out the best for the best.” 

 

“Those other two beds beg to differ.” Josie retorted, turning her body so she was facing the girl Her arm was still draped around her. 

 

“To be fair, I didn’t properly survey them before I rushed in. Plus, I was getting a feel for what you liked.” 

 

“Do you hear that? It sounds like excuses to me.” 

 

“Wow!” Penelope feigned a hurt expression. “I pick out the perfect bed for you and this is how I get treated?” 

 

“We’ll see about perfect. How much is it?” Josie asked, growing slightly tired. She didn’t realize how tired she was from walking around and stuffing her face with food. 

 

“I’ll check.” Penelope shimmied out of the bed. “$599 for the mattress and another $229 for the bed frame.” 

 

Josie yawned. “Pretty sure I just heard my bank account cry a little.” 

 

Penelope slid back onto the bed next to her visibly tired girlfriend. “Are you seriously falling asleep right now?” 

 

“Nope. I’m just resting my eyes.” Josie weakly defended with her eyes closed.

 

“You dork.” Penelope settled on her back closer to Josie and tucked one of her arms behind her own head. 

 

Josie scooted over and rested her head on the other girl’s shoulder, “I take a nap right here.” referencing a vine she was obsessed with.

 

Penelope didn’t stop her because this was surprisingly comfy and her eyes also began to droop. She doesn’t remember how, but she accidentally falls asleep too. 

 

The next thing they know, they were being shaken awake by someone. “You guys need to get the hell out.” A stern voice demanded.

 

Penelope groggily woke up and Josie’s eyes slowly flutter open. Josie scrunched her face up at the bright fluorescent lights her eyes hadn’t adjusted to. Josie sat up and sees the owner of the voice belonged to an IKEA security guard.

 

“Hey cute stuff.” The guard said noticing the girl’s good looks. “Hate to kick a cute girl like you out, but sleeping on our furniture isn’t permitted.

 

Penelope was wide awake now. She pulled herself up and squinted to see the boy’s name tag. Rafael it read. She chortled because it reminded her of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. “Hey Michelangelo, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking to.” 

 

“There’s no way you two are gay, you’re both too hot.” The guard snorted. “And that’s not even my na-”

 

“Your assumptions about sexuality correlating with physical attractiveness are quite dated. People can be both hot and gay, Leonardo.” Penelope got up, stepping closer to the guard. The other people in the store stopped and took notice of what was happening. 

 

“Whatever.” The guard grunted. “Just leave or I’ll escort you both out.”

 

“Come on babe, let’s just leave.” Josie tried pulling her girlfriend away, growing embarrassed that she’s causing a scene in the middle of the store.

 

“No I want to have a chat with him, obviously Donatello needs to get some sense knocked into him.” Penelope stopped her. 

 

“Where are you even getting these names? My name is Rafael.” 

 

“Where are you even getting your education? Clearly you haven’t gotten one.” 

 

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe that you two, as hot as you both are, are dating.” 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Penelope asked exasperatedly. She was fuming. She stomped over and punched the guy square in the jaw.

 

“I’m going to need backup in the bedroom department. The customer just punched me.” The guard said into his walkie talkie, clutching his jaw.

 

Penelope grabbed Josie’s hand. “Run.” She whispered.

 

The two ran hand in hand the opposite direction of the guard. The expertly swerved through the other people in the store. With their free hand, they’d throw pillows or anything they could to try and lose the guard.

 

They’d ran into the Children’s section of IKEA when Penelope looked back to see Rafael hot on their trail. “Don’t let him catch you.”

 

She let go of Josie’s hand and practically parkoured her way through the section. She stopped near the end of the section because she noticed how Rafael ended up chasing after Josie instead. Josie ran around one of the children’s beds in the corner of the section. Rafael stopped on one side of the bed, thinking he’d trapped her. 

 

“Give it up, I’ve got you now cutie.” The guard chuckled.

 

Josie faked going out on the left side of the bed and Rafael followed. Only at the last second, Josie stopped and went out the right side. Rafael tripped over his own feet and Josie was able to run free. Penelope smirked to herself. That’s her girl. Josie caught up to Penelope.

 

“Fuck, this only goes up.” Josie panted as they approached the staircase.

 

Penelope looked behind her and she saw that Rafael was a few feet away and the backup guards were charging their way through the entrance.”Up is better than being caught so go!” They sprinted up the stairs to the second floor. 

 

Again, they dodged the customers that stood in their way and ran through each section. Out of the corner of her eye, Penelope saw that there was more backup coming from the direction they were headed. She grasped Josie’s hand and pulled her to a hiding spot in between the rack of rugs hanging from the ceiling. The two were breathing hard after having run a good distance. Josie was pressed up against Penelope’s front, facing her.

 

Josie tried wiggling away from Penelope but Penelope stopped her. “Stop, the more you move, the more the rugs will shake and they’ll know where we are.” 

 

Josie relented in her movements but she was irritated with her girlfriend. “Are you fucking crazy? You hit him!” Josie whisper yelled.

 

“He hit on you and he was an overall dumbass.” Penelope rationalized.

 

“You could get charged with assault and battery!” Josie realistically spoke.

 

“I could sue him for making me lose brain cells.” Penelope shrugged.

 

Josie gave Penelope a pointed look. “This is serious.” 

 

“Yeah yeah, that’s why we won’t get caught.” Penelope craned her neck to see if the guards ran past them yet. She thought the coast is clear so she tiptoed out of their hiding spot. Josie wanted to follow her out but Penelope signaled her to wait a second as she cautiously looked around and determined if the coast is clear or not. She waved her hands in the air in attempt to convey her instructions.

 

“Pen, what the fuck. I don’t understand anything you’re saying, use your words.” Josie whispered.

 

“I was trying to be like the cool spy movies.” Penelope pouted. “Just go slow and follow my lead.”

 

The two walked like regular customers, in attempt to blend in with the crowd. Josie saw Rafael in the distance so her and her girlfriend ducked behind the nearest shelves they could. Conveniently enough, they’d made it to the lighting section. 

 

“Hey look, it’s the lamps.” Penelope tried to lighten the mood. “Which one do you like?” 

 

Josie hit the girl in the shoulder. “Not now.” 

 

Penelope shrugged. “I’m just saying, now that we’re here, we might as well look at what we came here for.” 

 

“It’s not like we can buy it anymore because we’re literally on the run. Thanks to you.” Josie huffed.

 

“He had it coming to him. If I didn’t do it, someone else would’ve.” Penelope brushed off. She peaked over the shelf and didn’t see anyone coming. She took her girlfriend’s hand in hers and they continued walking. They’d made it a section over into the wall decorations and mirrors when in the reflection of the mirrors, they saw some guards heading towards them.

 

“Motherfuck.” Penelope breathed out. The two bolted towards the exit. Just as they were approaching, three more guards popped up. The two stopped in their tracks and Penelope noticed the shortcut that would lead them to the bathroom section. She squeezed Josie’s hand, getting Josie’s attention and nodded her head towards the shortcut so Josie would have an idea of where to run. A second later, they were booking it through there. They began running in the opposite direction they’d come from. 

 

Penelope hurriedly grabbed some towels and threw them on the ground behind them, in hopes it would slow the guards down. It seemed to have worked because they didn’t see anymore guards. She pulled Josie back into their previous hiding spot in the textile and rugs. 

 

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Josie panted, pressed up against her girlfriend again.

 

Penelope lightly laughed. “It’s kinda funny isn’t it? Guess we had some practice running from these guys from that tickle fight we had the other day.” 

 

“Except this is definitely more serious!” Josie returned still slightly irritated with her girlfriend.

 

“Hey, you can’t tell me that you didn’t think that the juke move you pulled on me in the kitchen the other day didn’t help you fake out that stupid guard in the children’s section earlier.” Penelope easily responded.

 

Josie grumbled. “I guess it helped.” Her irritation starting to fade.

 

“See.” Penelope pointed. “Do my ears deceive me or are you actually admitting that I’m right for once.”

 

“Don’t push it.” Josie tried her hardest not to crack a smile. Josie looked like an angry little teddy bear in her attempt to be mad at her. Penelope just smiled to herself and pecked her girlfriend’s lips. That was enough to make Josie’s angry facade crumble just a little bit and she saw the slightest smile appear. Although it disappeared as quickly as it came.

 

“We’re like Bonnie and Clyde.” Penelope thought aloud.

 

Josie furrowed her brow. “Didn’t they get shot to death in their attempt to escape?” 

 

Penelope shushed her. “Don’t ruin the moment.” 

 

They paused for a few seconds longer. “Give me your jacket.” Penelope told her girlfriend.

 

“What? Why? You’re already wearing one” Josie queried, pointing out Penelope’s army green jacket.

 

“They’re identifying us because of what we’re wearing. If we switch it up, they’ll think these are not the droids they’re looking for!” Penelope laughed at herself because of her Star Wars reference.

 

“First of all, you’re such a nerd.” Josie giggled. Penelope only grinned at the fact. “Second of all, that’s so extreme, we’re just trying to leave IKEA. You’re acting like we’re wanted fugitives and they have our mugshot.” 

 

Penelope shrugged. “Fine, don’t listen to me. I’m just trying to get my girlfriend out of here alive.” She dramatically added.

 

Josie rolled her eyes for the millionth time today and took off her jacket, giving it to Penelope leaving her in her collared light blue longsleeve shirt. Her girlfriend gave her a peck on the cheek for listening to her. Penelope tied up her hair and put on Josie’s jacket. She threw her green jacket on the floor even further into the tight space they were in. 

 

They crept out of their hiding spot and started walking in the direction they’d previously aimed to go. A guard ran past them unsuspectingly and Penelope geekily gave Josie a thumbs up. Josie shook her head and chuckled at her girlfriend’s antics.

 

The two were finally on their way down the escalator when Penelope and Josie noticed the guards approaching them from behind. “Guess they recognized us after all.” 

 

“Darn, maybe next time we should get fake bears or something.” Penelope joked. Josie gave her wide eyes again to remind her that this is no laughing matter.

 

“Josie, hop onto the other side to the stairs and slide down the rail.” She told her. The guards were probably 10 feet away from them by now.

 

“Does that actually work or is that a thing in the movies?” Josie questioned.

 

“Well, time to find out!” Penelope replied before expertly swung her legs around the escalator and onto the side. She slid down the rail with no problem. Josie followed suit. Penelope laughed as they ran outside. “I didn’t think that would actually work.”

 

“I can’t believe you dragged me into living out your spy movie fantasy.” Josie rolled her eyes as they continued to run.

 

“It’ll make a great story for the kids.” Penelope dismissed. “Their parents were super cool criminals!”

 

“IF we have kids.” Josie emphasized.

 

“Oh, honey, I know we’ll have kids. You’re always gushing about how cute my little cousin Pedro is.” Penelope replied. 

 

Josie didn’t say anything as they made it back to their car. She knew that Penelope wasn’t wrong but she didn’t want to give her girlfriend the satisfaction of being right two times within an hour. They settled in and Penelope started driving away. 

Penelope started laughing. “I can’t believe can never go to IKEA again.” 

 

“I can’t believe I still don’t have a new lamp.” Josie countered.

 

Penelope replied. “IKEA isn’t the only store with lamps, you know.” 

 

“The lamps there weren’t that great either.” She shrugged.

 

“Aha!” Penelope exclaimed. “So you did look! Even though you told me this was a serious situation.” 

 

“Shut up…” Josie grumbled. She playfully rolled her eyes and shook her head at her girlfriend. 

 

“So to Target?” Penelope suggested.

 

“Try not to get us kicked out of there too.” Josie pointed.

 

Penelope stopped at the red light. “Maybe I’ll behave if you give me a kiss.”

 

Josie raised her brow remembering how she’d been the one to say something like this a few days ago. “Just one?” She leaned over the center console and planted a kiss on her girlfriend’s lips.

 

Penelope smiled. “Or two.” Josie pecked her lips once more. “Or twenty…” She bargained like Josie had a few days ago.

 

Before Josie could lean in again, the cars behind them started honking because the light had turned green and they still were at a stop. They reluctantly pulled away and Josie sat back straight in her chair. Penelope began driving again but she reached over and took Josie’s hand in hers. Their intertwined hands rested in Josie’s lap. Although Josie was mad at her girlfriend for getting them banned from IKEA, she had to admit that it was actually a lot of fun and she’d do it over again. They were a severely less extreme Bonnie and Clyde who made their own happy ending and she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt anon sent in my curious cat. Idk how I feel about this bc I normally don't write fluff but I tried. Also didn't know what to title this lol. 
> 
> hmu on twitter @lmjposie and tell me how I did.


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